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Movie Review: Expendables

The Expendables

Basic Premise:
The Expendables is a mercenary group who is only concerned about the money — any job, any time so long as the price is right. A new job comes their way that amounts to a suicide mission. The job pays but you can’t spend money when you’re dead. They pass until things get personal and the only thing they have to gain is the return of their humanity.

Review:
This movie is Cajun it’s so overdone. In fact, it’s on the way to being burnt. I wanted action and the movie delivered but it was exaggerated to the point where the plot got riddled full of holes too. It was predictable and the wounds inflicted were obviously computer animated. The bad guy’s motives were murky and his actions made no sense. So far as I can tell, this movie was just so Stallone could look cool and be in an action movie again.

The cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were great but the acting felt stiff, like they weren’t into it or something. It was great seeing Willis, Schwarzenegger, and Stallone on the screen together though. Doubt it’ll happen again.

Speaking of Stallone… too much makeup. His makeup artist went nuts with the foundation and the blush. He looked like the women from Death Becomes Her at the end of the movie when they had to apply the spray paint themselves. If Stallone wanted to look younger, he should have just paid for the CGI after the fact, not the pore-clogging during. It was distracting to me whenever he was on screen. Since he directed the movie, he was on screen a lot.

I’m disappointed with Jet Li’s part in this. Li is known for his martial arts skills. He used them very little in this movie. He spent more time shooting a gun than he did kicking ass the good old-fashioned way. When he was finally allowed to fight, it wasn’t very impressive (compared to his other movies). This movie didn’t use his full potential at all.

However, Steve Austin got to use a lot of those skills he picked up in the wrestling ring. It was fun to watch. You could tell the fight choreographer took Austin’s background into account when crafting his fight scenes.

Jason Statham’s character was the only one with any kind of dimension. You get to see a little about his life outside of being a mercenary. That’s fun and all. In fact, you could have probably made him and his story the focus of the movie. I would have liked to have seen that.

But Statham’s is the only character for which we get any type of background. There are two characters that you only see in the big action sequences, so I forgot they were part of the movie until they appeared again. They were fun but I don’t remember anything about them beyond the cauliflower ear and the big noisy gun. Dolph Lundgren is there… that’s it. He was there and that’s all I can say about him.

Mickey Rourke’s character was fun. He had a lot of depth but only because his acting was on point. The man does good work.

As for everything else… eh. If you have the time and the money and just want senseless violence with no plot, then this is the movie for you. Otherwise, go track down A-Team… or hell, go rent The Losers.

Parents, this is a violent movie with a capital V. There is stabbing and shooting and people being cut in half with shotguns. Not very much cursing, just the mild words if I’m remembering correctly. Low on the sexuality as well.

Previews:
No Ordinary Family – This appeared on The Twenty (the twenty minute segment before the movie). I will watch this show, though probably on tape delay. I love shows with super-powered people. And I love Michael Chiklis. I think Fantastic Four has made him crave the hero movies. Hopefully this will be good.

Stone – did a write up on this already

Faster – This one too.

The Green Hornet – OMG! This looks HILARIOUS. I want to see it just for that reason. I’m going to have to do some research on the original series just to see how well they match up.

Devil – Did the write up for this already.

Red – This movie isn’t coming out soon enough.

Pirahna 3D – Ugh.

Machete – Did the write up on this already

The Last Exorcism – Oh wow. So this is what The Blair Witch Project would have looked like if it had had a budget. Good to know. And like Blair Witch, I’m not watching this either.

Saw 3D – The final installment… according to the trailers. We’ll see if that’s true come next year. If it is true, Halloween just won’t be the same without a Saw movie to ring it in right. Though I haven’t seen any since the second, so whatever.

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One thought on “Movie Review: Expendables

  • Mardel says:

    I think No Ordinary Family is going to be a fun series. The few previews I've seen look fun.

    Too bad about the Expendables. It was a good premise though, aging military types fighting for….well something.

    I've never seen Blair Witch project – don't really like those type of movies…although I did watch Zombieland.